Today has been a day of wonders for me. I was able to stand and bear my testimony for the first time in a long time. It had been so long that I actually had forgotten how good it feels to be so certain that my Father in Heaven and my brother Jesus Christ love me. During the last few months I have been so sure that my testimony was beyond repair. But as I have been working my way back to the Fold after my reality check, I have been finding the pieces and putting them back together. Yes, I still struggle with some of the pieces; I struggle with scriptures, prayer, and sometimes even church itself. The cool thing though, is that the pieces I have found are perfect for grounding myself and pushing forward with faith.
Declaring the Truths of my Father in Heaven and my brother Jesus Christ made it almost...real again. Often I forget the things I know, and when that happens, my doubts creep in and grow, making everything terribly hard. Losing faith in my knowledge allows the adversary to get his foot in the door. Once he gets the smallest inch, he takes off, determined to destroy my peace and happiness. That inch quickly becomes a mile as he embellishes my doubts and insecurities. Eventually the doubts reach an alarming power that overwhelms me and makes me feel that there is no point in trying anymore. This overwhelming helplessness is not something that just...goes away, especially in my moments of darkness and despair that come with depression and bipolar disorder. In fact, this helplessness actually adds to the anxiety and debhilitating sadness that sometimes still exists even with the depression under control.
Knowing that I am a daughter of God is a surefire way to counter that helplessness and powerlessness. Being a daughter of God means that I have strength on my side that I can't even fathom. My Father in Heaven loves me, so much that He sent His son to pay the price of everything that I go through on earth. Christ knows what it is like to have crushing depression and raging anxiety. He knows that sometimes, I can't do it. The Atonement of Christ provides a way to return to the basic Truths of His Gospel. I am so grateful that They know me that well. They know me so well that even in my darkest times, They can reach me. Even when I bring sorrow, trials, and afflictions upon myself, They are always waiting for me, looking for me, and reminding me that no matter what the father of lies tries to tell me, I AM WORTH IT. If I ask, I receive. When I tell my Father in Heaven that I really just need a hug, and ask Him for one, He gives me one; no questions or judgments. All He wants is for me to feel His love and know my worth as I learn, grow, and progress down the path that leads me back to His arms.
Truth is different than truth. Tonight I share the Truths that God is our Father and Christ is our brother. They love us with a love we cannot fathom, and if we allow them to show us that love, we begin to understand who They are and why They are important, and ought to be central to the lives we live. God sent His son to die, that we might live. This Gift is precious, and provides the way back to Him. Friends, no one is exempt from the healing power of Christ's Atonement and the very real love of our Father in Heaven. This kind of love is the answer to everything. If we love God and allow Him to love us in return, we will see what He sees, and He will guide and direct our paths. Nothing is below this power. I'm finally beginnning to learn these Truths, and I no longer need to categorize them in the 'truth' category. I no longer believe or speculate the truth of these teachings, for I know without a doubt. My experiences have taught me that this is Truth. And through my experiences, I have been 'awakened to God' (Alma 5:7), and I have felt to 'sing the song of redeeming love' (Alma 5:26). As I strive to live up to the things I am learning, I pray I will continue to feel the desire to be better; the desire to reach my fullest potential.
Always,
Leone
No comments:
Post a Comment