Silver Lining

Hey guys.

Most of you don't know that I have been struggling with a bout of depression and loneliness recently and have slipped up a couple times and made some mistakes. But I have decided that I need to be open about it now because if I'm not, I will keep going down the path I don't want to be on.  During this bout, I had a pregnancy scare and smoked a few cigarettes. It's been a bit of a challenge to face the fact that I don't have very good coping skills for my depression. Even though I am on some depression meds, I still have times when the loneliness is overbearing, which ends up contributing to my depression. I know that I don't reach out near as often as I should in those times, and that if I would pray and study my scriptures it would be easier, but I think sometimes I like to stay in that dark space because I know it well.

Satan really likes to use that dark space to tell me I'm not good enough or that I'm not doing enough or being enough. It's one of his favorite tools. I don't take the time to recognize that until after I have made mistakes I didn't want to make. Yet once I realize that and examine my feelings, I can see the silver linings that God has been trying to show me. Mostly the silver linings are little things; a rainbow, a butterfly, a friend's foxtrotter foal or new puppy, or someone bringing me linger longer food even when I don't expect it. Sometimes though, the silver linings come in the form of a really neat experience at the temple or a new poem or a sweet note from a guest at the Homestead.

The point is, even in the dark the Lord tries to show us the light and reach out to us. He won't abandon us in our trials if we turn to Him and let Him in. Instead He will lift us and guide us and show us how to Be whole again. But we have to make the choice to let Him. The Lord can't really lift us if we don't want Him to. Though He will do all He can to reach us, we must be open to receiving His Love and His blessings. Even when it seems like our friends and Family are too busy or don't really have the time and energy to show they care, He can and will let us feel His Love if we turn to Him. That's one of the greatest blessings of the gospel, knowing that we are never alone no matter how much we think we are. I know He loves us and wants to be part of our lives, and I know that the more we remember that, the more we will see His hand on our lives. I'm so grateful for a loving Father in Heaven and a Brother that  understands and has been through everything we could ever face on this journey back to Them. If anything is worth living for, it's the knowledge that of we endure to the end we can live with Them in glory forever.

Always,
Leone